Real Housewives of Atlanta: All Aboard the Shady Express

Do you know that saying: Pretty but dumb?  Well, I would say that about Porsha but she is in fact just Pretty Dumb.

When I say I can’t with her it is because the woman does not take any responsibility for where she is with her relationships.  We pick up where we left screaming last week.  Somehow Nene’s bun has been fixed and she is screaming that Porsha should pay for what she did to Kandi.  Porsha asks “So what?” you are going to fight Kandi’s fights now?  Yes, well, you decided to repeat what Phaedra said on her behalf so it seems fitting that someone will fight with you on behalf of yet another.

As Nene is losing her shit, everyone but Sheree plys Nene away from the table and get onto the elevator as Nene is screaming “the door is closed’.  Somehow Nene manages to make closed 2 syllable word and Porsha dashes to the corner of the patio to cry.  Sheree says she feels bad for her (don’t) Porsha then drops more wisdom and wonders why when only 1 person is coming at her why did everyone leave?  She can’t believe that she is around so many people that would want to break her down.

I don’t know Porsha… let’s review.

1: You have constantly fought with Kenya since you met and in fact, pulled her weave so hard that she fell down.  If I recall, Kenya WAS going to press charges but dropped them and it was no less NENE that managed to keep you on the show.

2: You fought with Cynthia, the woman who is as exciting as paint drying, on the boat cruise.  It was the only time I have seen Cynthia become unhinged.

3: You helped spread the rape allegations about Kandi which for many people is way to far past the line of ok.  You were integral in defaming a woman that wasn’t only your cast member but someone you considered a friend.  If I had friends like that, I would surround myself with more enemies.

Porsha really shouldn’t be all that surprised by who got up and left the table.  It astounds me that she will take no accountability for all that was mentioned above but will however, pat herself on the back and feel like she gives her sister a job & a lifestyle.

This is a perfect segway into something I found on the internet today.  I read a blog called “Crazy Days & Nights”  The entire blog are posts of blind riddles.*

Today had a post that I think we would all find particularly interesting.  It was first talked about on October 3 and was revealed today:

This southeast Housewife is masterful at keeping the two married men who share her company for money hidden from everything in her life. She does such a great job they have no idea about each other.

Reveal: Porsha Williams

 

Mic Drop

 

Is anyone surprised reading that?  It seems to fit everything I presume about her.  While I don’t judge her for having 2 married men for money, I do judge her on trying to play the moral high ground and act better then others.

Back to the show.  The remainder of the ladies are back in Nene’s room debriefing what just happened.  Kandi is rather smug at what happened.  I can’t really blame her.  She is glad the drama that is unfolding does not directly involve her.  They all feel that Porsha doesn’t fully understand how they were her friend and she treated them so bad.  They don’t think that she has taken accountability on her actions and is well, to put it bluntly, selfish.

Meanwhile, Porsha is wondering who Nene is to discipline her.  This is why I think she is dumb because even asking that is pathetic.

So the next morning, we all meet to get on a private trolley.  Ok, I was literally in San Fransisco just 2 weeks ago and I waited in an 1.5 hour line up to get on a trolley on the tracks.  They are on a private driven trolley that races through the streets that makes customized drop offs.

Here is me hanging off the front of the trolley.  I was worried my feet would slip off because I am that clumsy.  These ladies, sat royally inside missing all the fun it is to climb up and down hills only holding onto a pole (while you may or may not be 3 drinks deep…. )

As they are riding through the streets, the ladies are wondering how Kenya is doing because her grandmother has recently passed away and actually has to end the trip early to get back for a funeral. So as she is sharing some photos and managing to stay strong, Porsha decides to make this moment about her and go to the back and cry. Cynthia comforts Porsha and gives her some advice.

They hit fisherman’s wharf and 4 of them get off. The other half head to Chinatown.  Just when I thought Porsha couldn’t say anything dumber she says:

“I LOOOOVE Chinatown.  I feel like I just stepped off the Trolley and I’m now in Tokyo”

I am going to let that lie.  If I need to explain why that irritates me, we can’t be friends.

The ladies who went to the wharf were stopping to get photos taken with Alcatraz in the background and joke that Sheree’s boyfriend is in there.  Yes, it isn’t just me that thinks it is jenky that she is infatuated with a criminal.  Nene lets it be known that she met him before Sheree and that in fact he is a con man.  I guess we can’t get mad at defaming someone as he is in Jail.  What I’ve been confused at is how did Sheree and him reconnect?  It isn’t like she ran into him at starbucks one day.  One of them had to seek the other out and purposefully begin communicating.

Anyways, the ladies are leary but not too leary to plan a wedding.  What? No, I don’t mean for Sheree, I mean for Kenya.  The ladies have a goofy idea of planning a fake wedding for Kenya and a cardboard cut out they have named Flat Marc to try and cheer her up.

So back at the hotel they have set up a room with chairs and decorations.  They decide to recruit some guests and Porsha went and found a slough of gay men to attend (btw, was very pleased with herself at that).  Somehow during the confessionals, even though Porsha is trying to do something nice for Kenya, she is still throwing shade.  UGH

At this point, I have talked about Porsha so much, I can’t decide if I want her off the show or not.  I can’t imagine what the show would be like.

Cynthia and Kenya finally come downstairs to the wedding surprise. Kandi sings as she walks down the aisle and Marlo sees over the ceremony.  Everyone was afraid how Kenya would take this party but it went over quite well.

After everything was said and done, Porsha decides that she should take Cynthia’s advice and wants to start taking responsibility for her actions so she pulls Kandi aside and tells her she is sorry.

Ok, great.  Thanks Porsha.. yes, that will do it.  Say something off the cuff about how you tried to damage the reputation of Kandi and make criminal allegations against her. Everything is fine now.

Kandi looked like it hurt not rolling her eyes in front of Porsha.

The next day they are going to head up to Napa for a little wine tasting. They first have to ride a coach bus for an hour and a half to the train and then ride the train up to Napa (I think Napa is a 4 hour car ride from San Fran so sure, that sounds right).

What kills me is just when Porsha was telling us how she wants to make amends with Kandi before the commercial, she then complains to us that the only seat left is across from Kandi and Kenya.

Meanwhile the other ladies are talking to Sheree about her incarcerated boyfriend.  Thing is, you are not dating him.  He is in Jail.  You ain’t going on no dates…. you are simply talking to him and Sheree is giving her heart over to this guy!  I just want to fly down to Atlanta and have an intervention.  I just don’t trust her love choices. Nene presses her and wonders if he was in for fraud and Sheree explains it was securities fraud which doesn’t really make me feel better about anything.  To me, securities fraud means his moral compass is weak.

At the winery, they are led around by the owner of the vineyard who is a VERY flirtatious man.  The ladies fall for the attention.  They all act as though a man has not paid attention to them before.  Of course, if they are screaming, ripping out weaves and dating incarcerated men, then they do not get a lot of male attention.  Then, the wine maker reveals he is married and the ladies lose their minds.  He ignores them and urges them to stomp some grapes.  Yet again, the wise Porsha did not know you made wine this way.

We round out the day saying good bye to Kenya, and the rest of the ladies head to a private cellar for dinner.  Now that Kenya is no longer there, they are finally able to start making fun of her. Just as soon as they were toasting Kandi on her cover for Essence Magazine, Kandi brings up that her and Todd drove by Marc’s restaurant.  The ladies are weirded out that no one has met Marc, even Cynthia, her proclaimed best friend.

True to the title, Cynthia has her back and tells them, you are hard on her when she is single, and now she has someone and you are 2x as hard on her.  Marlo then wonders if anyone there believed Kenya wasn’t married.

Cynthia had enough and left the room. Nene brings her back to the table and everyone gets real with Cynthia.  They just want Cynthia to admit that she does feel weird not having met Marc.  I don’t know what that will accomplish for them but sharks seemed satisfied that Cynthia admits feeling left out.

Next week, we are back in Atlanta and Porsha is using matchmakers for dating help.  God help us all.

Til then… drop me a tweet on Twitter!!

 

 

*For those that do not know, a blind riddle usually very salacious gossip that is unsubstantiated at time of posting so names are changed and people are only ever really referred to.  So you are left to guess who it is about. It really is up to you to decide if you want to believe it or not.  With that being said, sometimes they are written because something hasn’t been announced yet (ie: a divorce or a firing) or wasn’t made public in general. After a period of time, a lot of these riddles do get revealed and it is such a guilty pleasure.  

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