Real Housewives of Dallas: Colorado Double Post

Just when I think that the housewives days are numbered, Dallas comes along and breathes fresh life back into the franchises.  Don’t get me wrong, New York has my heart but the reunion has made this season end on a dark note and that may be why I haven’t blogged these last two weeks.

That is really where I should be starting: with an apology. I’m sorry I have not recapped the ladies trip to Beaver Creek, Colorado because damn, that looked like a good time.

New York’s reunion has killed a tiny part of my reality soul (as all reunions do) and it would leave me too blah to write.  Dallas however, perks me right up.  So let’s dig in.

Kameron, our Power Pink Maven has decided to up her game this season and is desperate for the others to think of her as fun so she invited the group to spend a few days at her in-laws home in Colorada via their private jet.  I don’t know about you, but if I received that invite, I would change my mind.   To top it all off, she sourced pink pyjamas for all of the ladies and had them monogrammed which cracked me up only because Kameron acted like she was curing cancer with her endeavours.  She let us know in the confessional her monogrammer was able to turn it around in 24 hours.  I’m no expert but if you throw enough money at something, you can get anything done.  Kameron is what I didn’t realize I needed on my TV.

Anyways, they all meet at the plane hanger so they can board Kameron’s Family’s private plane.  Note, this is her husband’s family’s plane and property.  I point this out because she made it known that she didn’t grow up this way but rather had to slum it out in Montecito, you know, where Oprah and Steven Spielberg live. I truly feel awful that she had to rough it all those years.

Kameron,  out to prove that she is indeed fun and not the stick in the mud we are familiar with, starts the voyage by offering the ladies glasses of champagne. You know that Brandi and Stephanie are automatically in love with her.  D’Andra and LeeAnn were the last to arrive.  D’Andra, who is starting to show she inherited the stick in the ass, refused to put the pj’s on due to the fact her ass is too big (her words).

I do feel for her.  By no means is D’Andra a big lady but she has a booty and all of these bitches are in great shape. I dare say that they are the fittest franchise in the bunch or at least per capita. (OC has Tamra and NJ has Teresa but then those 2 are offset by Vicky and well, anyone else in Jersey).  I too carry junk in my trunk and fitting bottoms can be a challenge & those with no curves never understand this struggle.

So D’Andra did what anyone else would do and that is drink til she felt skinny and agreed to put her PJ shirt for arrival.  On the plane we learn that the ladies will pit stop before they hit the chateau to none other than… BEAVER LIQUOR!

Side story.  My fiancé is heading to Colorado next week for a conference and emailed me a photo of a pit stop and it was none other then of Beaver Creek.  You have no idea how excited I was to let him know all of the intel I learned from this show including the merchandise available from this store.  This one was his favourite

Nothing but poetry & roses over here!

Anyways, the ladies pit stop and was I the only one amazed at how much they purchased? I get that the house may be dry upon arrival but Carey spent over $200 herself.  I thought they were there for only a couple of nights.  Course, she is sleeping next to LeeAnn so perhaps she was acquiring re inforcements.

Speaking of LeeAnn, she has committed to toning down the crazy this year.  She has traded her fists for sound bowls and tries desperately for Kameron and D’Andra to meditate with her without success as Kameron kept cracking up.  That may be the first time I was truly charmed by Kameron as it was the first time she wasn’t putting on a show.

I’m all over the place but that was all I wanted to say about Zen LeeAnn.  What I want to talk about is that if Brandi wasn’t on this show, it wouldn’t be watchable.  She is what makes this lighter and more fun.  I’m with everyone in that I don’t want to listen to poop or fart jokes but I do appreciate that she makes it like a highschool sleep over.  She is there to drink, dance and laugh all the while dragging Stephanie along with her.

So while they were in Beaver Liquor, they decided to pull a prank on Kameron and purchased a poster to paste in the master bedroom.  It was a pretty harmless prank.  I really couldn’t decipher if Kameron was happy they pulled a prank on her or was horrified by the crude poster.  I think it was a bit of column A and a bit of column B.

Upon arriving at the chateau (there is no other word for the property.  It is huge and magnificent), they choose their rooms and continue drinking. This rolls pretty much into dinner.  Kameron, D’Andra and LeeAnne stopped for a quick meditation break which didn’t go over very well as Kameron kept cracking up. (as would I).  Brandi and Stephanie took this opportunity to post the salacious poster in Kameron’s room.  Kameron took it relatively well.  I think she was actually flattered they played a joke on her.

So at dinner, they kept the drinking rolling.  Carey was pouring vodka like it was water and I’m amazed at how such small women were not more hammered, that was until they started talking about Brandi’s new baby, Bruin.

Finally, badger Kameron brought up how disappointed she was that she was not in on the adoption announcement (gah!) Everyone was annoyed by Kameron and then the drunk came out.  Stephanie says Kameron needs to stop bashing on Brandy about the new baby. (ok, that wasn’t it but close to). Kameron heard Stephanie say that she has to stop bashing Brandi’s adopted baby.

Cue tears and outrage.  Stephanie cradles Brandi in bed and Kameron demands that Stephanie leave the next day.

So at least we can tell that indeed they were drunk.  This cliffhanger rolled into the following week and in the light of day and in a more sober frame of mind, they all agree that they were perhaps a bit emotional the night before and perhaps do not even recall some moments.  So they made up without a lot of fuss and started their day which consisted of a skidoo adventure followed by lunch.  The fun did not stop there.

It was Stephanie’s last night with the ladies as she was off to Italy the following morning so they tore it up Housewife styles and that included some hot tub time. Out in the tub, Stephanie was in her 2 piece. Carey, confident in all of her plastic surgery glory, was naked and Kameron came out in a suit they stopped selling in the 1920’s. As racy as the tub was, all of the action was inside (and off camera!)

Btw.. I’m assuming there is a nip, tuck, lift & enhance here and there on Carey. She is married to a plastic surgeon after all.  I did notice one of her meals mind you and it was strictly protein and vegetables plus she practices regular yoga.

Turns out LeeAnne and D’Andra got into a screaming match at 3am.  Why there was no secret cameras or even an iphone because that would have been quite the show as their whole argument consisted of who was the queen bee of the group… seriously.  SERIOUSLY?  I mean, I had that argument when I was in grade 4. These women are 50 (or near 50 as D’Andra likes to remind us).

So Brandi decided for their last night at the Chateau, they would have a contest to see who really was the ‘Queen’.  This consisted of silly contests and a lot more drinking. They only thing they really accomplished was embarassing themselves.  However, there was a whole day to deal with in the mean time.

Kameron didn’t want to over schedule the ladies so they had free time during the day.  Carey hit the slopes, Kameron and LeeAnne went for some spa treatments which left D’Andra and Brandi to go shopping.

Just the week before, Brandi was ready to tear D’Andra’s head off for the squinty eyes & Adderall comments. Now they are in a country western boutique, throwing back shots and burning up the credit cards.  This only fires up Brandi and she pulled out her cowboy cheerleader moves and more then ever do I wish I could watch Brandi dance.  There is a definite style to her dancing that is nothing but cheerleader.  I grew up dancing ballet but I cheered in highschool and that affected my dancing style more then anything.

The  following week we are back in Dallas and we have a burgeoning friendship between D’Andra and Brandi much to the dismay of LeeAnne and .. Kameron?  What’s that about?  My double post will follow this.

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