Hola Amigos! We are down south in Cartegena, Colombia and you know what I appreciated most about this episode? We did NOT watch the ladies pack for the trip.
Thank God! I have always despised those segments and do you know why I think we were spared? It is because New York is so chalk full of great moments that we didn’t need the filler. No instead of watching the ladies pack, we learn that Ramona has fallen down, and sprained her ankle. So if you thought Ramona was overbearing before, now she also has a wheelchair. Good luck, dealing with that. Yes, I sprain my ankle & limp. She gets wheels.
I will admit that like the ladies, my knowledge of Colombia is limited to Cocaine and Shakira. I’m not sure if the ladies knew the latter was from there but her hips don’t lie so I was up on that fact. I also put Colombia in my World Cup pool. They were the first team to get a red card so they were not my best team.
Anyways, the ladies arrive and there is a definite ruggedness to the country’s beauty. This kind of reminds me of Vancouver in that, the beaches and nature are not overly manicured like you would see in the Bahamas. This caused Tinsley to have some apprehension as she understands that the ladies are used to 5-star resorts and white sandy beaches. None the less, the ladies came for an adventure and most have the right attitudes going in. That is everyone but Bethenny. Yes, the one having the toughest time, at least during this episode, is Bethenny. I think she is fully aware that the ladies don’t really favour her any longer. I guess you can only get bossed around for so long before you get tired and revolt? Am I right, France? (sorry, I was watching Les Mis on the weekend as the tour was in Vancouver).
After we arrive at the airport, the ladies split into 2 cabs. One cab includes Bethenny, Sonja, Luann and Dorinda. The other is Tinsley, Carol and Ramona. During the car ride, we learn that Brian* has been relentlessly texting Bethenny. After the speed dating event, he was very keen on meeting up again. Bethenny tries to play too cool for school and declares that she really isn’t that into him. They had gone for a lunch prior to the speed dating and didn’t feel it then. She is or is not also dealing with Dennis so I don’t think she is desperate. You know who is desperate? Ramona. Yes. After the speed dating event, we learn that Brian and the Organizer were going to head out for a drink. Ramona learned of this, cancelled her Uber and jumped in their cab. She did go home at a respectable hour but man, when Ramona wants something, she really goes after it!
We arrive at the Villa and the house manager greets them at the door. I think the place looks amazing. Is it the Hyatt Regency? No, but you need to take the fact you are staying in a private residence in Colombia into account. It is still way nicer than anything I would be staying at. The following morning, Bethenny was complaining about the layer of dirt that was everywhere. Well, due to the fact, they are in such a hot location, there is a lot of open air areas to the home (basically the entire middle of the home is an open garden) so therefore, yes, there will be a little more grime. Put on some flip-flops and move on.
Tinsley thought ahead (which surprised everyone). In order to avoid any fights over rooms, Tinsley gifts each woman with a Tiffany’s box. As they tour the home, each lady opens a box. Inside each box, is a necklace with an individual monogrammed charm (R, S, B, T, L, D and C) whichever charm is opened, dictates who gets the room. The ladies were able to get behind this idea mainly because they were being bribed with Tiffany jewelry. I won’t lie (or maybe I will), I will comply when gifted with Jewelry too.
As they climbed the floors, the rooms became nice and nicer. At first I was trying to recall if Ramona got the first-floor bedroom but then I remembered my second favourite scene. The following day before Dinner, Ramona was stranded in the elevator (yes, this home has one) and not one person could hear her cries nor did anyone from production step in to help her out. Priceless. She was stuck in the lift for about 5 minutes before it started to move. I’m sure she would rather take the stairs but with a bum ankle, she probably can’t walk up and down very well.
I said that was my second favourite scene. My absolute favourite was when Ramona began unpacking. We all know what a helpless bossy pants Ramona can be. So as she unzipped her suitcase, she explains that all of her clothes are on hangers and could the bellman (or whoever brought in the suitcase) could help her. Before she could turn around, the door closed. Dumbfounded, Ramona wouldn’t let it go. She limped to the closet and hung her clothes like anyone else in the world. Why she needs help is beyond me. Well, that’s not true. Ramona is a princess and we all know this.
After the ladies settle in, the meet downstairs for a meal. I thought it was dinner but was actually lunch. Some ladies are wearing dresses and Bethenny came down in a one piece suit and a cover up. Prior to lunch (approx 50 minutes) Ramona is in the kitchen hounding the staff. She explains she is a foodie, loves food & cooking and loves learning new recipes. I wrote out exactly what she said. For some reason, her explaining her interests always bug me mainly because she carries on so. Looking over everything, she asks what kind of soup she saw and they said it was fish soup. Cut to the meal and we learn, a little too late mind you, that Bethenny is allergic to fish (we learn this in the Berkshires a few seasons ago).
Bethenny did sit down and inquire what food is on the table. Ramona told her chicken. (cut to the flashback of her learning soup). Bethenny begins to react immediately, takes some Benadryl and retires to her bedroom. We finished the segment with a scene of Bethenny crying and holding the toilet. This was not a good start to her trip. Never phased, Ramona declares that Bethenny really should tell people that she has such an intense allergy. Leave it to Ramona to blame the sick person for getting into that situation.
There was so much chaos going on with dinner that I almost forgot to mention that Luann was the last to arrive donning a Sofia Vergara wig. No, Sofia doesn’t have a wig line but rather, Luann steps out in a fitted white dress, long-haired wig and red lipstick and she looked remarkably a lot like Sofia Vergara.
Normally, we would see the ladies eat, drink and be silly their first night in town but we quickly cut to the evening. Bethenny has managed to pick herself off the floor and we are getting ready for dinner. Luann has taken off her wig and Carole is wearing only something a Brothel owner wears to a funeral in the 1800’s. We see Tinseley getting ready with her Glam squad. I was quick to think “oh god, not her too” as one thing that endeared me to RHONY was their lack of glamming. However, Tinsley was quick to teach us that her loving boyfriend, Scott flew hair and make up down for Tinsley as a Valentine’s day gift. I’m seeing more and more why she fell on the ground when he arrived at her apartment.
The ladies venture out to dinner once Ramona became free from the elevator. Most of the ladies walk to the restaurant. Carole was the only one
strong kind enough to push Ramona in her wheelchair. Perhaps it was this exertion that caused Carole to lose one of her earrings. This is what I want to believe because on top of wearing Moritia’s Evening ware, she is sporting ONE green feather earring. It may be her last summer but I just can’t with Carole any longer. The woman is trying WAY too hard to be avante gard. I was so distracted by her ensemble that I had no time to make fun of focus on Dorinda’s gladiator sandals.
The ladies sit down to dinner. Bethenny is situated across the table from Carole which is a great vantage point for their ongoing bitterness. S Carole began dinner explaining to the ladies that after the speed dating evening, the organizer phoned her up to inform her that Brian (red scarf man. You know the one that was hunting Bethenny and had a drink with Ramona) was interested in her. Carole agreed to a date and they went to a 3-hour dinner. Some people on twitter think Carole was being smug. I think she was happy and like him but was trying to play it cool. Carole isn’t exactly an excitable person so her variance in mood barely shifts an eyebrow nevermind an emotion. Upon hearing this, Bethenny was burning up. He was supposed to be into her! As Carole recounted their fantastic connection, Bethenny was throwing daggers at Carole. Bethenny finally mumbles that Brian is really running some game like a Tom 2.0. While I found that comment funny, I wouldn’t go that far. First of all, he was never interested in Ramona much to Ramona’s shagrin. He bought her a drink at party in a lounge. That isn’t so much as declaring love as it is being polite. However, he did declare to Bethenny that the reason he was at speed dating was to see Bethenny.
I think she really got off on having a man want her and her being able to turn him down. I feel like this doesn’t happen to Bethenny very often. She is hard as balls, has a messy relationship with her ex and is a TV personality to top it off. This can be intimidating to many men and I doubt they are banging down her door. So while he is begging Bethenny to see him, Brian turns around and wines + dines Carole.
Carole blinks at Bethenny and says that she understands they are just friends. Bethenny doesn’t pull out the receipts but anyone who was in the cab ride, should have spoken up for her. It is a bit weird that he is playing both sides of the coin. He knows they are ‘friends’ and the whole thing is just… tacky and for me, that is one thing I refuse to do. Bethenny, not letting it go, asks Carole if she believes some dude over her. Carole, unaware of his unrequited like for Bethenny, doesn’t understand where the vitriol is coming from. Bethenny states she isn’t into Brian and Carole fires back, yes, well, he isn’t into you either. In the confessional, Bethenny wonders why Carole is acting 28. They are both acting like children and this fight is embarassing for everyone involved. The only thing for certain is that Brian’s swagger has gotten stronger and he is banging his way through Palm Beach as we speak.
While obviously pouting, Bethenny tries to say she is just tired and that is why she wants to go back to the house. So Luann and Sonja hang back with her. The remaining four leave dinner for the bar. As they traipse down the street, they wonder why Bethenny can’t just have some fun. Even Ramona is being
drunk easy going. It is here where Dorinda wanted to be relevant and informs Tinsley that Bethenny hates the house and wants to move to a hotel. There was literally no reason for that. It is just one of those things you say to someone as an aside and to someone you trust.
Bethenny put on her big girl panties and the remaining three show up at the bar. The ladies were confused by Bethenny and Tinsley immediately confronts Bethenny. She asks about her comments. Immediately, Bethenny knew it was Dorinda. She didn’t say it to anyone else so who else would do it. I used to like Dorinda but that kind of shit makes my blood boil. She stirred the pot for no other reason than they were dumping on Bethenny. It did nothing but cause drama and hurt both ladies.
Carole was wishing that Bethenny would just leave and wonders why Bethenny can’t just be fun. She explains that she is tired of talking to someone that always breaks out into tears. In all fairness, Bethenny has had a rough day. Carole should back off and go look for her other earring.
Finally, the first night is over. However, the drama didn’t stop there. The next day the ladies rise and head for breakfast. Tinsley is gifted at breakfast with a flower delivery. Scott sent 365 roses for every day they knew one another in the shape of a heart complete with their initials. When I stopped throwing up in my mouth, did I realize as pointed out by Luann that this is a funeral arrangement. The sentiment may be sweet but the flowers were hideous. Just when you are starting to think that Tinsley sent them to herself, Carole pulls out a present. Scott instructed Carole to present the gift to Tinsley when the flowers arrived. (by the way, I’m starting to think Tinsley’s latin friends are actually Scott’s). She opens the gift and he has given Tinsley a gold bracelet from Cartier. Tinsley is over the moon and upon seeing the bracelet, I forgive Scott for the heinous flowers.
Bethenny gets up and leaves the table. She admits that she is green with envy and she hopes to come back in her next life as Tinsley. There is nothing harder than seeing someone on their way up as you are struggling yourself. Perhaps Bethenny should remind herself that Tinsley is also divorced and is on record for trespassing on her ex’s home which ignited her return to New York. Tinsley lives in a hotel and all she has going for her right now is Scott. So despite all the success, Bethenny has derived in her life, all she really wants is a man. Yes, these are real feminists here ladies and gentlemen. Perhaps, next time you will not decline the advances from a creepy man in a scarf and you too could be getting jewellery.
Ok, so she doesn’t have to date just anyone. She isn’t Carole. Oh, I went there but let’s be honest, Carole thinks Brian is awesome because she is coming off of Adam. Anyways, the ladies finish breakfast and want to leave to go shopping. Everyone that is, except Bethenny. Her jealousy is getting the better of her and she begins to have a panic attack and this is where we end the episode.
I do understand how Bethenny is probably feeling. She fully understands the ladies do not like her much which is making her quite uncomfortable and then Tinsley, whom she doesn’t respect, is living her best life. I mean, I get it. Someone you despise is getting everything you think you deserve and she doesn’t have to try that hard at life but you know what? That’s what tequila is for. Take a shot and move on. Stop being a bitch and people will like you too.
Anyways, I’m looking forward to next week. Til then, find me on Twitter!
* Last week, I couldn’t remember Brian’s name. He was the man wearing the red scarf and I referred to him as ‘Matt’Find Me, Like Me and Follow Me Online!