Real Housewives of Orange County: Naked Wasted

In a nutshell,  Tamra literally got ‘naked wasted’ and while cannonballing into a hot tub, broke her foot.  If you think I am recapping the Jersey Shore, you will be mistaken.  No, rather, I was watching middle-aged women on RHOC.

I heard an observation once that desired a change up of the cast because, after a few seasons, the ladies can become very aware of the cameras.  I agree with this because as much fun as the ladies were having in Peurto Vallarta, they were all trying TOO hard but we will get to that.

This episode primarily focused on the OG’s: Vicky, Tamra and Shannon with a sprinkling of Kelly.  They tried inserting some scenes with the new girls but in the midst of the Mexico madness, it seemed kind of pointless.

After the work out at CUT fitness last week, Emily and Gina met up for a stroller strides class.  They are bonding over the fact they both have 3 kids and need some screen time.  That is literally all we saw….. NEXT!

We started the show with Vicky & Tamra en route to the airport and Shannon bidding farewell to her daughters. The three ladies are getting together for an epic girls weekend as Shannon called in the cavalry.  She explained she hasn’t been out in 5 months but the fact is, David has a girlfriend and she is feeling rejected.    This idea, I can get behind.  When you are feeling down (especially over a man), you call your ladies & go out!  I do think there are limits (see above) but yes, letting off steam can replenish the soul.

After Shannon sent her girls home, she waited at the gate for Vicky and Tamra with Tequila in tow.  The moment the finished their shots, Vicky began falling down. When Vicky fell down, Shannon falls down.  They get up, Vicky falls down.  How much did this woman drink on the plane?  Regardless, they looked like a couple of wet seals flapping about.

After they check in, they head straight to Andale’s where they drank copious amounts of Tequila followed by Tamra climbing onto the bar and flashing her boobs. I think the most offensive thing about this is, aside from the fact everyone in the bar was watching them, was that Bravo erases her nipples so she really does look like a Barbie doll.  The ladies soon retired to upstairs where Shannon informs the ladies how grateful she was that they came down, that she hasn’t been out in 5 months and is hurting from David moving on so quick.  (I want to keep pointing out that David never waited for the marriage to be over before he moved on).

Once the ladies stumbled home, Tamra took a page from Bethenny’s guide to nudity, stripped down and cannonballed into the hot tub….. literally.  She was jumping off the edge into the tub several times. She was wondering where the others were and so scooted, naked, into the house and of course, falls.   She informs us in the confessional

This is not where she hurts herself.  No we are privy to Shannon and Vicky picking her up off the floor.  We learn that Vicky promised Steve that she wouldn’t get ‘naked wasted’ and so declined to join in the hot tub (however, if she just behaved herself, it would have been fine).  Shannon was a bit camera shy, however.  She felt a little insecure being next to Tamra on camera so she emerged from her room in a full Spanx outfit.

I mean, I fully understand Shannon’s pain but she looked like 3 shades of ridiculous.  While she sat in her full undergarments (I mean, get a one-piece suit), Tamra continued to cannonball and it was here she broke her foot. She was trying to live her best life any chance she got or as we saw it, she wanted to make this weekend about her.

The next day, all of the ladies were up & ready to go to the beach. All but Tamra that is because yes, she did break her foot.  As Vicky and Shannon slept off the booze, Tamra cabbed herself down to the hospital to get a cast.  So getting Tamra down to the beach for required film time proved difficult.  So like the three stooges, they manage to carry her down with the aid of some hotel staff. Like all their antics, there are plenty of onlookers laughing at them.

This last detail was one of my main complaints during this episode.  While it is great that the ladies are having fun, I felt everything was so contrived and the fact that there was such an audience just proves this fact.

However, we finally got to dig into what happened last week.   Shannon and Tamra let Vicky know they talked to Kelly. Vicky, so sure of herself, lets them know she won’t feel bad.  They do, however, coach Vicky on how to apologize.  I hate these conversations because it makes them all look so stupid.  It is only when friends coach Ramona do I buy it but that is because Ramona has zero social skills whereas Vicky doesn’t know what to say to Kelly because she doesn’t care about Kelly.  She made up with Tamra so Kelly’s time is done.

As soon as they arrived in Mexico are they out.  It was their 2nd and final night.  Tamra was hopped up on painkillers so went to bed early but not before sitting at dinner like a stroke patient.  This leaves both Vicky & Shannon to a private tequila tasting in their hotel room.  After every shot she drank, Vicky would repeatedly flick her tongue which grated on my nerves.  I would hope it would stop but then she would just do it again. Now that my annoyance is heightened, I am starting to really see how jacked Vicky’s face is becoming.  Is it mean? Perhaps.

However, the amount of filler she has in her face is suffocating.  We are constantly being shown flashbacks (as we are always reliving Vicky’s past fights) and when I see her face then, I just feel a sense of … relief?  not sure if that is the word I am looking for but there is definitely some missing tension.  I wish she would leave her face alone. She looked fine the way she was.

Aside from drinking, not much else happened this week.  We did spend some time with Kelly which was her getting her advice from her daughter which wasn’t as much cute as it was sad.

I’m hoping that next week, they don’t treat the other ladies like afterthoughts.  We are three weeks in and I have zero interest in the new ladies and in fact, forget about them.

Til then.. find me on Twitter!


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